Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Turning Heads

Yarrow, Joan Z. Rough, Copyright 2006


Beginner's Mind

Standing off
To one side
I watch
Each thought
Slip
Through
Like
Film
Spread
Before
The light

Each one
Moves
In slow motion
Transparent
Fingers
Touch
Each word
Mouthed
Silently
To the unseen
Testing
This
Beginner's
Mind

No matter how many times I sit on my cushion to meditate it seems I must start all over again to learn to allow my thoughts ... wishes, memories, fears ... pass before my eyes and dissapear into the void of unknowing. My mind wants to move, traveling over the road I walked down yesterday ... the path I'll venture down today.

Just now it was what I would write on this blog, while earlier it was wondering about my mom who spent last night in the hospital. Early yesterday, she had a run in with her recurring Atrial fibrulation ( don't know if I've spelled that right). She had chest pain, dizziness and difficulty breathing. So we did the 911 thing and had her transported to the ER, where upon arrival, she was virtually back to her usual spunky self. But they wanted to keep her overnight to keep an eye on her and to do a stress test this morning to make sure her heart is really okay.

The xray they took of her chest yesterday was clear, not showing the small mass of multiplying cells attacking her lungs ... after only two rounds of chemo. One of her truly wonderful Oncologists declared, "you're tough," and then was out the door, maybe going to the smoking area outside the hospital, where I caught him smoking his pipe yesterday!

Over the weekend, after my mother had her head shaved because her hair was coming out in huge tufts, I bought a book for her entitled, TURNING HEADS, Portraits of Grace, Inspiration, and Possibilities, edited by Jackson Hunsicker. It is a gorgeous book filled with photos and the stories of courageous women undergoing chemotherapy, who have walked out into the world without wearing wigs, to set an example for the rest of us on how ''to live until we die!"

On Monday, my mother went out the door to her usual exercise and stretch session with her favorite PT, without her wig. She found the world a different place, with people smiling, giving her more respect than she'd ever imagined.

She's gorgeous and now she knows it. Whatever causes her to draw her last breath, she will have spread her beauty and inspiration, helping all of us who may one day face the same fate.

2 comments:

Visual-Voice said...

Your mother is truly a inspiration. I'm lucky to have met her and to be touched by both her courage and her laughter. I am so glad to hear about the xray, and continue to hold her in the light during my meditation!

May we all be safe, happy, healthy and live with ease.

Lisa said...

wow, mom.... what a truly inspiring post to your blog... it brought tears to my eyes. you didn't tell me last night about her xray! that's great! i'm so proud to have her stubborn genes...